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Often spoken like amateurs
and dabblers, blowhards
who feed on mediocrity.
seated straight
chest out
babbled speech
that fool fools with
every utterance.

The unknowing patterns
like a self-centered narcissist,
controlled apathy,
tattered fantasies that
keeps on going
like a travesty.
gladly heel
to every fallacy.

Entitled Babble.. Second attempt at creating writing in this form. Also I tried to attempt a bit of assonance; my favorite type of poetry. Really wont like some feedback on this piece. Thanks!
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:iconsovereignsin:
SovereignSin Featured By Owner May 28, 2013  Student Writer
Hey there! Here's a review/critique on behalf of #Poeticalcondition.

The brevity and power of your word choices really lend a feeling of disgust to this work (and it's amazing). Rhymes and half-rhymes give it a harsh sort of beauty that anyone who's ever dealt with a dabbling blowhard can appreciate immediately.

If I had to comment on anything negatively, it would be the line "keeps going on." It feels a little out of place, a little weak compared to everything around it.

Substituting something like "carry on" for "keeps on going" not only empowers the line, but also shortens the distance between rhymes there at the end where they're arguably the most powerful.

Just my two cents. This was a fantastic read! Thank you for submitting it.
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:iconalwaysnothere:
alwaysnothere Featured By Owner May 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you, Thank you for your time. And sharing what you felt and changes that can be made to evolve the feeling. Really appreciate it. :)
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:iconsovereignsin:
SovereignSin Featured By Owner May 29, 2013  Student Writer
Always a pleasure. If you'd ever like anything else critiqued, feel free to link it to me. I offer free critiques for anyone willing, both in my free time and for #poeticalcondition. :)

I hope to read more from you in the future.
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:iconmichel-le-fou:
Michel-le-fou Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Professional Writer
Review for #poeticalcondition.
The diction and expression in this poem are attractive. I was struck by the first stanza particularly. Amateurs, dabblers, blowhards. You seem to have met them. The whole work was well-written and your subject is seldom written about.
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:iconalwaysnothere:
alwaysnothere Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for your kind words :)
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:iconmelancholymourning:
melancholymourning Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, I loved this!

Like I said in my other comment; really amazing word use. You used some of my favorite words in this poem; which, might be why I really loved it.

Either way, great work! Keep it up. c:
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:iconalwaysnothere:
alwaysnothere Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for your time. Appreciated.
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:iconmelancholymourning:
melancholymourning Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. c:
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:iconbookloverblue:
bookloverblue Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I like the rhythm and half-rhymes in this piece - it flows really well, and has a very brisk, harsh feel to it, which suits the subject matter.
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:iconalwaysnothere:
alwaysnothere Featured By Owner May 2, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks so much ..I really appreciate it. Makes me feel warm inside. :D :D
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:iconpaperbackrevelations:
PaperbackRevelations Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Really lovely wordplay! The message is great, and so true, and wonderfully portrayed.
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:iconalwaysnothere:
alwaysnothere Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Very much appreciated.
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:iconoxymoronicidiom:
oxymoronicidiom Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013  Student Writer
I really enjoyed the assonance! Well done at capturing the feeling in this poem. However, and maybe I'm wrong here, shouldn't the third line be "who feed on mediocrity"? That just caught my eye.
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:iconalwaysnothere:
alwaysnothere Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the comment.. I glad you mentioned that, I kept reading that line over and thinking if it fits and feed sound better as well.

Thanks again! :)
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:iconinspired-impressions:
inspired-impressions Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2013  Professional Photographer
Well said; you have eloquently described something we've all experience. Lovely work!
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:iconalwaysnothere:
alwaysnothere Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you !
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:iconfanaticalpublishing:
FanaticalPublishing Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013
Hi, I like your work; if you might want to publish it, look me up: [link]
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